Hey Guys,
I'd like to share with you guys regarding my personal experience about how i got started with bodybuilding; please share your part as i'm curious:
You can say that it all went downhill when i experienced my first heartbreak during late 2013. My insecurity levels deepened;" Am i not skinny enough, am i not pretty enough?" the constant thoughts were hurting me, therefore, i needed a distraction: I decided to partake in boot camp: mind you i was fairly active before, however, i just needed to be in a environment where i can meet new people and be around positivism.
Fast forward 3 months later -Yes, it has helped. i've lost weight, felt better, went on dates......eventually and unfortunately was starting to fall for a guy that i met. We dated 3 months and he suddenly vanished; I experienced the same thoughts as i did with guy #1 -- " Am i not skinny enough, am i not pretty enough?"
You can say my mental heath has gotten worse from it; i developed an eating disorder which made me eat 500 per day and on top of that exercising till' i was about to collapse - i knew this was not right, but i wanted to feel better about myself and look good. (Obviously, not the right way) --This was a distraction to help me get over the hurt.
Once i was finished with work and gym i would take pills with heavy codeine in order to stop the constant thoughts and to sleep well at night. I was sad all the time and i hated - it was my only escape.
Fast forward Mid- 2014 I met another guy. I absolutely fell in love with him. Everything about him was amazing- smarts, looks and manners the relationship was going strong.Yes, You guessed it! it was over AGAIN- he was not ready for anything official- that was fine but my self esteem once again took a toll.
During that break up - everything happened in a domino effect - I lost my friend of 15 years, my father suddenly became ill and was in hospital for 3 months, my car was robbed of me and i had a sudden pregnancy scare.
I remember going to a friends house and mentioned to her that "I'm going to lose it" ( as in i'm going to kill myself ). I did not eat, drink, go to the gym, did not look after myself, stopped going to work and cried all day- everyday.
I was giving up on life - i did not care. I started drinking a lot more and smoking a lot more. I was disgusted with myself and i hated everyday of my life during that current phase.
I remember walking across the road, i felt heavy, i felt there was a black cloud around me. I saw a van speeding in front of me i distinctly remember saying to myself ' If it's going to kill me, whatever, i'm better off ' - it did not. I was numb and scared at the same time.
Saturday Morning - i woke up, i felt the urgency to seek help because i knew it was going to get worse and i hated feeling like this everyday.
So i decided to see a doctor that Saturday morning- she made me fill out a questionnaire. I remember her saying to me "I can see the sadness in your eyes, you look lost, you will get better"
I was diagnosed with depression, was prescribed to take anti-depressants and i've been seeing a psychologist after that consultation. After having therapy i knew i needed a change, a goal, something! I wanted to be fit again! I decided competing was a great idea.
Fast forward till now- you can say i've recovered and i've learnt a lot during those dark years of my life. I've realised that i was not loving myself and had deepened insecurity issue -- i've learnt to love myself, build confidence and become stronger, i no longer have an eating disorder, i feel like i can achieve anything if i can put my mind to it.
Most importantly - my mental health is a lot more better - i am thankful. I'm glad i was aware of my sickness and needed to seek help asap, if not.....i don't know where i'll be today.
Just please remember; if you're feeling down and know something is not right with your self please seek help asap. Remember! You will get better, it takes time but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF AND SOLDIER ON!!!!!
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